Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.
A pessimist’s blood-type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death. (probably from Lodz)
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
When you dream in color it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two-tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (Come on – it’s a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the kkey.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – t’aint yours and t’aint mine.
The shortest fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.