Let There Be Laughter

Thanks to my favorite comedic expert, Dr. Irwin Suchoff, for sharing this batch.

UNDERCOVER

Moishe Goldberg was heading out of the Synagogue one day, and as
always Rabbi Mendel was standing at the door, shaking hands as the
Congregation departed. The rabbi grabbed Moishe by the hand, pulled
him aside and whispered these words at him: “You need to join the Army
of God!”

Moishe replied: “I’m already in the Army of God, Rabbi.”

The rabbi questioned: “Then how come I don’t see you except for Rosh
Hashanah and Yom Kippur?”

Moishe whispered back: “I’m in the secret service.”

Secret Service

 

IT HAPPENED IN SHUL

Rabbi approaches a guest in Shul and says, “I’d like to give you an
Aliyah. What is your name?”

The man answers, “Esther ben Moshe.”

The Rabbi says, “No, I need YOUR name.”

“It’s Esther ben Moshe,” the man says.

“How can that be your name?” asks the Rabbi.

The man answers, “I’ve been having financial problems, so everything
now is in my wife’s name.”

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MIRACLE CURE

Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a
waiting-room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent
over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn
came, she went into the doctor’s office, and emerged within half an
hour walking completely erect, with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the
little old lady and said,”It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half
and now you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?”

She answered, “Miracle, shmiracle. . . he gave me a longer cane.”

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THE DIFFERENCES

The Italian says, “I’m thirsty. I must have wine.”

The Frenchman says, “I’m thirsty. I must have cognac.”

The Russian says, “I’m thirsty. I must have vodka.”

The German says, “I’m thirsty. I must have beer.”

The Mexican says, “I’m thirsty. I must have tequila.”

The Jewish man says, “I’m thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

Thirsty

PHILANTHROPY

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Muscovite
Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the
acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent
auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?”

“No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.”

“Never heard of him,” said the visitor. “What did he write?”

“A check,” replied the guide.

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ROWING TEAM

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they
lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours
every day, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.
Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy
on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to
Cambridge, Mass., and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River,
where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practice.
After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. “Well, I figured out their
secret,” he announces.

“What? Tell us! Tell us!” his teammates shout.

“We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row.”

Rowing

CHANUKAH STAMPS

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
She says to the clerk “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please.”

“What denomination?” says the clerk.The woman says, “Oy vey … my
God, has it come to this? Okay, give me six orthodox, twelve
conservative and thirty-two reform!”

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THE CITIZENSHIP TEST

Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second
Language class. He was asked to spell “cultivate,” and he spelled it
correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with
a big smile, responded: “Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas
vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay
home.”

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Weekend Scenes from the Shore

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A word of explanation here.  The heron above, being very skittish takes off in flight as soon as I hover over the deck for a photo op — but this time I caught him in mid-air, with the lake still enough to capture his mirror-image from the under-side.

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And of course, a Martell’s Tiki Bar interlude, with magnificent skies …

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And back to the Lake House view …

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Cumulonimbus Clouds Transitioning Nimbly to Sunset

On some days the skies over Point Pleasant Beach toggle between ominous and majestic, as they have over this July 4th weekend.  Hope you’re having a wonderful one wherever you are.

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The Joys of Getting Older

The front cover:

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The back cover:

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The contents:

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Customer reviews are mostly positive:

5 out of 5 stars – Wonderful book! – by S.K. Smith December 28, 2010.  This fall I purchased this book for each of my birthday group. We are a group of over-65 friends who celebrate our November birthdays each year. Giving this “blank” book was both a tease and a challenge. One of our group is using the book to record ten things she’s thankful for each day. I use it to record special thoughts or activities as they come along.

There was one critical reviewer, who apparently didn’t get it:
1 out of 5 stars – Frustrated – by Col Jack Cacheon March 29, 2017.
Received 1st book w/ all blank pages. Notified shipper and received a 2nd copy and it to had all blank pages. Haven’t had time to follow up for a replacement. – So much for QC!

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The Wellness Project

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Enjoyed Phoebe Lapine’s new book immensely.  A self-described guide to finding the middle ground between health and hedonism, Phoebe provides eminently do-able ways in which you can become the architect of your own health one small step at a time.  Many of us have acute health challenges that rattle our cage, demanding that we go about the business of attending to our health in a more serious, or at least more effective way.  Phoebe’s motivation was frustration in battling Hashimoto’s Disease, an autoimmune dysfunction of the thyroid gland named after the Japanese physician Hakaru Hashimoto.

The book is chock full of platitudes that are charming and some that are downright clever.  Here are a few of my favorite:

  1. Wellness is a journey, not a destination.
  2. Change is pretty f*ing hard.
  3. Decrease bread, red meat, alcohol; increase fruits, veggies, yogurt.
  4. Ractopamine, a drug that keeps animals lean, acts as a stress hormone in humans.
  5. Lemon juice is one of nature’s secret weapons.
  6. Things sometimes get worse before they get better.
  7. The best nourishment is the company you keep.
  8. Rashes are signs of internal imbalances, not random dermatologic events.
  9. Walk away from toxic relationships.
  10. Stressing about inflammation can sometimes be as corrosive as gluten.
  11. Food is ritual and cultural, to be savored and celebrated, until it isn’t.
  12. Chronic dehyrdation is one of the biggest barrier to good health: “Drink until your pee is consistently the mellowest of yellows or until you no longer feel thirsty.”
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Another Milestone!

A joy to witness the high school graduation of our eldest granddaughter, Atara Goldstein, this afternoon.  So proud of all her accomplishments, including National Honor Society, but mostly the beautiful young woman she has grown into, inside as well as outwardly.

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Atara Grad

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Happ Retrospective

By special request, a retrospective of Ian Happ through the baseball years as he readies himself at the top of the lineup again today for the Cubs’ afternoon start at Wrigley.  The sequence is:  Mt. Lebanon Devils (High School), Harwich Mariners (Cape Cod League), Cincinnati Bearcats (College), Eugene Emeralds (Short A), South Bend Cubs (Full A), Myrtle Bech Pelicans (Advanced A), Tennessee Smokies (Double A), Mesa Solar Sox (Arizona Fall League), Cubs Spring Training, Iowa Cubs (Triple A), and the Chicago Cubs (Major League).

Happ - Mt. Lebanon High

Happ - Mariners

Happ - Cape Cod All Star

Happ - Bearcats

Happ - First Round Pick Cubs

Happ - Emeralds

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Happ - emeralds jersey

Happ - South Bend Cubs

Happ - Myrtle Beach

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Ian Happ Smokies

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Happ - Mesa Solar Sox

Happ - Spring Training

Happ Iowa Cubs

Happ - Cubs

 

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